I've been having such a tough time lately. I do sessions that either have minor contact or none at all. One after the other they're just weak-sauce sessions. Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm devolving haha.

This has happened before. A bit over a year ago I was cruising along, viewing daily with half-decent results when all of the sudden it was like I hit a pit of quick sand. The harder I tried to break out of it, the deeper I sunk. For nearly a month and a half strait – every. session. sucked. every. day. Not to say I didn't have observable target contact here and there but accurate data was minimal and low-level at best. As where before I was getting used to the feeling of progress, learning new things all the time and having some good results on paper.

The angst became so great that the episode earned it's own moniker:
"The Dark Night of Psi" (cue scary organ music).

I couldn't hit the broadside of a barn with a bowling ball. But, I powered through it and eventually the streak broke with one of the cooler session experiences I've ever had, and a string of decency thereafter. Not a second too soon either. I didn't fancy going prematurely bald for tearing all my hair out. It's just so frustrating because you know you can do better. You've the past sessions to prove it. So why the hell isn't it working any more? Racking your brain over anything and everything that might be the culprit does little good.

Some viewers say that when you start to have trouble it's a good time to take a break. That's awesome if it works for them but personally I always seem to come back from a break feeling twice as incompetent as I did before it. Am I alone on this one? Maybe.

It appears the Dark Night of Psi (scary music) has returned. Shrouding my soul in blackness. Smiting me from the shadows! Destroying Hope and all that is sacred! Chewing a path of destruction through eternity and…….

Ahem… Sorry about that. You can tell it's a sore subject. Anyway, my viewing has been consistently pitiful for a nearly two months. I hate to whine but it's hard as hell to keep the right frame of mind when every session starts to feel like an exercise in futility before you even start. I know, poor me. I pick one of the most mentally challenging pursuits a person can, and then I bitch because it's hard. Heh.

Not sure what causes these long 'dry spells.' I think it's probably just an exaggerated bell of the learning curve. A valley canyon that precedes the next higher peak. Maybe it's worse for some than others. I'm not sure it's any easier the second time around and it probably won't be on the third either. C'est la vi. All there is is to keep at it. At least I'm lucky enough to have a girlfriend who pretends to never tire of listening to me belly-ache about it.

The last time I hit this wall, a friend of mine (and a more experienced viewer than I) gave me this advice:

"… hang in there. This too will pass, as they say. No matter what the cause is, you were doing great before so you know that you can do great again, right? The cause or source of your recent missing WILL pass. But YOU WON'T PASS. …Even if you take no steps to try to correct the problem, the problem will STILL eventually either go away or will solve itself (possibly from your subconscious figuring out a way around it while, from your conscious perspective, you have just kept plugging away)."

Leave it to good friends to make the night seem a little less dark.

Right. Not much to look at, is it?

Notice though, eight marks situated in a circle.
Eight soldiers kneeling in a circle.

This is typical of the language of the mind. I think it's things like this that if I can learn to analyze properly and consistently, can eventually contribute to some very effective remote viewing.

Fear appears to be a given aspect aspect of psi-blocks. Another, not unconnected from it is belief systems. This was something else that was suggested to me by a viewer friend of mine which I dismissed out of hand as having anything to do with standing between myself and high-level psi functioning.

"There is nothing in my beliefs that could be preventing better psi in me. I've had psychic experiences throughout my life! I've always believed this is how it's supposed to work!" I said. Heh. Closer examination of myself revealed some surprising insights…

I'm not just speaking of large-scale religious and philosophical beliefs, but of course those are paramount also. I'm talking about beliefs on a micro scale as well as macro. It's a big subject. One I'm not qualified to tackle here. I will say that Jane Roberts' Seth book, "The Nature of Personal Reality" has opened up some awesome perspective for me in regards to beliefs and how they directly affect experience. I highly recommend it.

-*-

One thing that didn't dawn on me for quite some time (yeah, I'm a little slow haha), is the factor of a natural barrier. Built in as just part of how we work.

Ingo Swann writes in "Everybody's Guide to Natural ESP":

"It seems that, somehow, the human is constructed so that there are natural barriers between consciousness and an overwhelming influx of second-reality information. Otherwise, our consciousness would be inundated, as if listening to a thousand radio and TV channels simultaneously. We cannot imagine how we would be able to function without these natural barriers."

Makes sense. It's for our own good, so our fragile psyche doesn't get fried like sending 21.1 gigawatts through a 60 watt light bulb. It's inherent and aside from obvious exceptions, generally only lets though information that affects personally important things like survival or the well being of a loved one. At this point we can probably imagine how this natural barrier construct, fear and belief systems are all interconnected and interactive.

Maybe the fear is deeply rooted in self preservation like a natural reflex. Granted there is a good deal of learned fear at work there too but it stands to reason that the idea of being mentally destroyed by over exposure to a level of psychic data beyond comprehension would contribute to an automatic subconscious fear as well. Kind of like pain-response, natural and built-in to prevent damage.

Who knows. Maybe I'm off the mark here. Just some stuff I've been thinking about. To me though, it begs attention to the "un-learning" that Yoda and McMoneagle refer to.

Yes, I just referenced the teachings of a muppet. I'll quote the truth wherever I find it, thank you.

-*-

All these 'blocks' and 'barriers' pretty much boil down to one thing.

Psychology.

In the same interview with Mr. McMoneagle referenced in part 1, he was asked:

Q: "How much of 'psi talent' do you think is really a matter of psychology allowing/accepting psi?"

A: "All of it."

Ponder that as you will. It's past my bedtime. And may the force be with you.

-serious

]]> http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/10.html/feed 0 http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/9.html http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/9.html#comments Tue, 05 Jun 2007 01:15:53 +0000 Serious http://seriouskilowatt.com/archives/9.html I'm pretty good about regular practice. For me, it has to be every day, several times a day. It's awesome. I can sit and view for literally hours without a break except to take care of nature. One session to the next, I can't seem to get enough of the experience. It's a rush when a sketch matches the target. The feeling of accomplishment when I learn something new or get an idea about how this or that might work. It's addictive. It's satisfying. I can maintain this momentum for months on end. No sweat.

Then it happens.

Resistance. Pointed avoidance. It's time to sit down and practice and I conveniently come up with a billion and one things that I "need to do real quick first." My level of interest hasn't changed. I still think about it all day. I'm still passionate about it while I sit there clipping my toenails when I should be viewing. The worst part (or it could be the best part, I'm still not sure) is I'm fully aware of what's happening. I know perfectly well that I'm giving in to some little part of me that's pouting in the corner with his arms crossed saying "I don't wanna!"

But I do wanna. That's why it doesn't seem to make any sense.

This occasional inner conflict struck me as quite odd until I heard other viewers mention it too, and began to get more of an idea more about what might be going on internally with consistent RV practice.

"I think it has a lot to do with fear of psi…" one of my viewer friends told me.

I wasn't buying it. My response went something like: "Pwah! Fear?! That's ridiculous! Why would I spend most of my free time doing something that I'm afraid of? My entire life is peppered with paranormal experiences. The idea that I'm afraid of being really good at RV is the silliest thing I've heard!"

Not long after that I had a dream.

A voice asked me if I was ready to be a world class remote viewer. I said, "I'm ready!" I felt it coming. Like my awareness was about to be blown wiiiide open. Hard to put into words, but I can tell you it felt BIG. Like minding your own business surfing 6 foot waves and then seeing a 70 foot wall of water coming towards you at 50 mph. Confident me from two seconds ago was now saying "Wait-"

Okay. Point taken. Jeez.

Acknowledging it in myself and being more aware of it may not make it go away, but helps with understanding myself more. Pinpointing areas that may need more attention. Recognizing it when symptoms show goes a good ways towards handling it better. Any twelve step program will tell you the first step is admitting you have a problem. Haha.

From a 2002 interview with Joseph McMoneagle:

Q: "There's been talk about subconscious 'fear of psi' relating to the common decline-effect and contributing to why so few end up 'world-class' remote viewers like yourself. What do you think? Is there really such a culture-wide fear of psi? Do you think people realize they've got it? (Many viewers discussing it online say it's not a problem for them.) If you think this is an issue, how would you suggest viewers address dealing with this?"

A: "If someone says this is not a problem for them – I would say they have never communicated with their unconscious mind. It's a major issue, and one that never goes away. It's a fear that is not just culture wide, it's pervasive in all cultures. It speaks to the dark side for most. It's an uncomfortable window to 'things we shouldn't have access to.' There are no suggestions for dealing with it – since there is no way of truly conquering it. It's one more battle that is constantly waged in doing RV – a battle you sometimes win and sometimes don't."

If you look at modern psychology, one of the first suggested methods of dealing with a fear is desensitization. Gradually exposing a person more and more to what they're afraid of. In remote viewing, that equates to -you guessed it- constant practice. Even with that, as Mr. McMoneagle stated it's a never-ending battle.

Usually my avoidance/resistance to viewing hits hard in two predictable places. I can almost set my clock by it.

1) When I go a couple days without viewing.

Due to the nature of my job, once in a while I'll have a couple days of 16-18 hour shifts. I come home lucky to make it to my bed before I'm asleep. If I do manage to sit down and try to view, it quickly becomes an exercise in ZzzRV. Almost always when I take a break from viewing (usually involuntarily) it's so hard to get back to the level of practice I want and need. The moment I give it an inch, I'm a mile behind. The door is slammed shut and has to be pried back open with a crowbar. Half the time it feels like starting all over again from square one to get back where I was. Some viewers say taking a break helps them. Heh. Lucky them. I don't seem to be wired like that.

2) When I have a knock-my-own-socks-off session.

If I do a session that is fairly amazing to me, I can almost be sure the next one I do will suck rocks. I'm not the only one who's noticed this about their viewing. I've heard the same thing from several others. Appears to be a fear response. I think this is another reason why Ingo and McM stress "quitting on a high." In addition to the benefits as known in learning-theory, it gives the unconscious a chance to deal with the initial shock response of a high-level psi experience and appears to lessen the related defense mechanisms.

When this avoidance starts to kick in, there's nothing that will help short of grabbing myself by the scruff, sitting down and making myself view. Then doing it some more, and some more, and… Until finally I'm back to my normal addictive self who can't imagine avoiding anything so fun, challenging and intriguing.

Charles Tart has an interesting article on the subject.
You can check it out here.

Fear seems to be only one aspect of the larger entity of psi-barrier though.

Part 2 – ahem…crowbar please

]]> http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/9.html/feed 1 http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/7.html http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/7.html#comments Thu, 24 May 2007 01:15:19 +0000 Serious http://seriouskilowatt.com/archives/7.html This is taken from something I just posted over at TKR. Been thinking about it quite a bit lately though so figured I'd paste it here too.

-*-

One of the things that seems to really catch my attention about how I view is symbology.

For the longest time it was the most maddening thing I could imagine. I'd get feedback and it would suddenly become perfectly obvious what I was trying to tell myself with a given symbol, but it was so cryptic I was sure there was no way I could ever manage to interpret these in session so that they might do anything except frustrate and confuse me.

Palyne about summed it up when she said, "From all appearances, the subconscious speaks Etruscan in 4-D, translates it through geometry, encrypts it in some long-dead fish language, and then feeds you that information in code. Of course, it's always perfectly obvious in retrospect."

Haha.
Over time though, it seems to have begun coming together for me. Slowly, to be sure, but a few breakthroughs here and there. I started getting symbols in session and (gasp!) interpreting them correctly. When this happens, it amazes me the level of data that a single symbol can convey. More often than not, it seems to be higher-level, conceptually heavy data.

For example, I did a session in the dojo a while back. The target turned out to be a Selective Services draft card from the Vietnam era. Basically a post card from Uncle Sam saying you're going to Nam whether you like it or not.

In session, I got a visual image of a bird's foot. Recognized it as a symbol and took a moment to think about what that little birdies foot meant to me, what it made me feel, what representations it seemed to evoke in my conscious mind at that moment.

First I noted that I inherently felt that it belonged to an eagle. The obvious association (for me at the moment anyway) being American government. It wasn't a dainty little foot either, it was a sharp talon and seemed to be gripping something tightly. My translation was American government "digging their claws" into someone.

I then got an image of something like a tornado that was comprised completely of paper. A big swirling mass of official feeling documents that were surrounding something. I translated that fairly simply as being surrounded/trapped by paperwork/red tape/bureaucracy.

I thought all of this fit quite well with the target (not to mention the visual of having a gun pointed at my face) and was really pleased with the data.

Yes, at no point did I describe a piece of paper (flat, yellow, writing on surface etc), but I feel like if I'd spent longer in session and gotten some more good data, I could have come pretty close to nailing down what the target was.

***

Another example is a session I did on a line of police, decked out in riot gear, standing guard on point against a crowd of people.

I got an image of the inside of a lock, like a doorknob lock mechanism. Since I'm a trained lock pick, this doesn't have any major meaning of being locked out to me lol. I then got the same symbol again, but the inner mechanism was surrounded by a black barrier. Like it was saying "You can't even get to the lock to pick it." I interpreted this as "access denied/unobtainable access" which is exactly what the row of police were doing – denying access to an area. This alone didn't crack the target, but combined with other data in the session, it went along way towards figuring out exactly what was going on at the target.

***

Interpreting symbols is an art form all it's own. It involves one's personal reaction to the symbol, thinking about what certain elements of it mean you personally – removed from other data you've gotten in session already.

It's hard as hell. But it also seems like it begins to work more naturally after a while with a bit of effort, attention and thought.

I think this kind of data is invaluable when it's done accurately.

Joe McMoneagle has a great blog post that touches on the subject. Check it out here.

***

It doesn't always have to be a massive translation effort either. Sometimes I'll get a visual that just has a heavy 'feel' to it and it's just a matter of identifying it as a symbol (which can be a whole can of worms in it's own, but I'm getting much better at it and believe it to merely be a matter of practice, attention, experience, more practice, more practice, more…).

For instance, I once had a session not long after I first started viewing where the target turned out to be Evita Peron standing on a balcony in Buenos Aires, giving a speach. I got a momentary image of a jungle but had a strong feeling that it was a South American jungle – (which is strange because I've never been to South America. I live in Hawaii, and never got the feeling that any of the jungles here are South American, but I digress…) Anyway, it was apparent the data was "South American / Latin," (which is what I wrote down) not 'green, leafy, vegetation…' and for that I nailed the region where the target was located.
Don't get me wrong here. I'm not close to actually having a handle on this, but I'm confident that I can. At least partially…eventually.
And that's a start.

-serious

]]> http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/7.html/feed 1 http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/6.html http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/6.html#comments Tue, 10 Apr 2007 02:30:36 +0000 Serious http://seriouskilowatt.com/?p=6

Had kind of a neat little session last night. Misinterpreted some of the symbology but was not unpleased with the soldier sketch. You can see the whole session here (requires login).

]]> http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/6.html/feed 1 http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/4.html http://www.seriouskilowatt.com/archives/4.html#comments Sun, 25 Feb 2007 00:05:13 +0000 Serious http://seriouskilowatt.com/?p=4 So here we are nearly a month later. I haven't had a single lucid dream since the one mentioned below. Until this morning. Frustrated, after more than three weeks of fruitless effort to be awake in my dreams, yesterday I did an archetype meditation on lucid dreaming. The very next night I have an LD. Go figure. But that's a different story.

-*-

I woke up early for a standard lucid dream induction method called M.I.L.D. (Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dreams), invented by the good Dr. LaBerge. With dream mask in tow, I went back to sleep. Eventually I found myself in a dream and realized my disposition not from a dream mask cue, but by recognizing a 'dream sign' (an element of dreams that indicates you are dreaming).

I was in my living room (that wasn't my living room. You know how that goes) with my roommate Tony and his ex-girlfriend. I tell them I'm dreaming and they said, "Hey, that's cool."

With a big smile on my face I say, "You know what that means right? You guys are just a figment of my imagination. You don't really exist."

It didn't seem to bother them much. Tony made some joke about it and we all sat around laughing about them not being real.

It was time to get down to business. Ready to view the new target pinned above my bed back in the world of the awake. I decided I'd close my eyes, clap my hands, and when I opened them I'd be at the target site.

I closed, I clapped, I opened my eyes and… nothing. I was still sitting on the couch with my figment friends giving me a blank look. I think, "Hmmn. Okay. In Joe McM's account of his lucid dream remote viewing experiments, I remember he clicked his heels, opened his eyes and was at the target site. I'll try clicking my heels then." Like it would make any difference if I clapped my hands, clicked my heels or wiggled my damn nose! Hilarious.

I closed, I clicked, I opened my eyes and was still sitting on the couch, now being laughed at by imaginary people and feeling rather silly.

Then it dawned on me. I'm at my house in the dream so the target must be pinned to the wall in my dream as well. I'll just open the envelope and look at the feedback in the dream! Too easy! Feeling like I was cheating and completely blowing protocol by opening the envelope before my session was on paper, I went over to the wall where it was pinned and opened it up. Inside was three tiny little astrology booklets. Like little novelty things. I tell Tony (who makes my paper target pool for me), "Dude. This target sucks." He just laughs. The thought wasn't lost on me that this may actually just be symbology or some representation of the actual target though, so I made a mental note of it.

I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but at about this point I had a false awakening (dreamed that I woke up). I see another dream sign and suspect I'm still dreaming. I found my dream mask on the sofa and pressed the 'reality check button' (a little button on the mask for testing whether you are dreaming or awake. Trust me, this can be an issue. When you press it, it activates the light/sound cue on the mask. Since electronics generally don't work right in dreams, if the cue isn't activated when the button is pressed, chances are you're still dreaming). Proud of myself for recognizing the false awakening, I hold the up the malfunctioning mask to my roommate and say "Ha! See? I'm still dreaming!" like the joke was on him. He didn't seem very impressed.

Back to business. I decide that this time I'll just try and get information about the target the way I normally do in the waking world – sitting quietly with my eyes closed and opening myself to the target. I go outside on the back porch and sit on a swing. Closed eyes, opened to target… nothing. Concentrating really hard on wanting to make target contact I look in front of me and see a row of large trees. The uniformity of their branches strikes me. I wonder if the shape is target related and make a mental note of it. I see two trees close together that are wrapped in vines. Then out of nowhere baskets full of flowers hanging from the sky are all over the place. A hundred of them maybe, all hanging at different lengths off the ground. I start laughing, swinging in the swing and yell out, "It's so beautiful!" And it was.

Then I'm in an office building sitting at a conference table looking over session notes in my lab book. I think maybe the data in my dream book are target related so I make not of them. Indoor columns that arch out at the top like in certain midevil architecture and a line of text: "A quiet place, a place of study."

There are other people sitting at the table. They are there for a job interview. Two executives, a middle aged man and an elderly woman, walk into the room. One of the women there for an interview starts telling the elderly executive how she tried to take some courses from her in college, but the old lady wouldn't let her in the class. A no-nonsense old lady, she starts lecturing the girl on making it happen for herself and not relying on classes.

Then I woke up.

-*-

Wrote down what I thought was important from the dream in my lab book, put the pen down and ripped the sealed envelope off it's tack from above my bed. Inside, the feedback was a photo of some sort of protest. You can see the session and feedback photo here.

Now personally, from a learning perspective I can see certain elements of my session in the target photo. Mainly the noted shape of the tree branches as corresponds to the hippie's arms holding up the signs. I feel there was target contact, be it so vague that it's nearly unrecognizable. I'm not one to stretch data and would of course classify this a miss, but in the end, I'm not in a lab or a scientific study. Just a guy practicing and experimenting at home. So ultimately I'm classifying it as a learning experience. Just like every other session.

-*-

All this heel clicking has got me thinking. The only time I feel like I really made any target contact in the dream was when I sat down and really concentrated my focus, intensely wanting to make contact. Then I just looked up and there it was. No amount of clapping and doing the hokey pokey seems to be worth a crap if there isn't strong focus behind it. I suppose I could've seen that one coming. Maybe just passive expecting isn't enough to shift the scenery to the desired state even in a dream. Of course this is only after two trials, hardly enough to start drawing conclusions. Probably lots of variables, but next time I'm going to work on focusing my the intensity of my intent… or something like that.

Keep the olives chilled folks. No martinis this morning.

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